I Feel Exposed

Saturday, June 6, 2015

In Between Hanging On & Letting Go

Alright! I'm back from the dead and I've decided to withdraw from the 30 Day Writing Challenge which is the only right thing to do anyway because I've failed it terribly! And so, here I am feeling completely lost because I have not done this in a long time. I should have written as often as I could but instead I keep putting it off until I'm this big unhappy blob with too much pent up feelings and is oh-so-confused! Why do I do this to myself?

Okay, enough with the drama.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are not some tragic love story,
or an untold romance.
We are those letters I never got to send,
the ones you never read.
We are not the separating haze between us called Difference.
We are the Human Gravitational Force Theory,
the only logic that explains all this.
We are not the haunting nightmares of our biggest fears, mistakes and regrets.
We are the hopeful daydreams of a better life that lies ahead.
We are not the sad ending to our so called story.
We were simply never the beginning of it.

'We' never happened.

---------------------------------------

I wrote this a while back before heading off to bed late one night. It was one of those difficult nights that kept me up. I ended up putting it in a letter and sending it off to someone as a form of release for myself.

And yet I'm still here. In between Hanging On and Letting Go.

But I regret nothing.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

8. What I ate today

My meals today consists of a lot of carbs. Toast with hard boiled eggs for brunch and caramalized banana and Nutella on toast for teatime. Yes. I love my toasts. Nuff said.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

7. Pet Peeves

Well, what a way to start a blog post after months of going into seclusion and with a Pet Peeve Post which is so long overdue! (It's part of the 30 day writing challenge!) Hah! I am by far the most undedicated, uninspired and unimaginative self-proclaimed writer. I know I'm bad- Just awful and yet- Here I am, struggling to put down thoughts into words and for what? Self- fulfillment? To make a point? To whom?

The thing is, I just want to write. I don't have to be good at something just to love doing it. And for me, the only problem is, I burnout real quick. I can go on a writing rampage just typing away on my laptop about whatever interests me and then BAM! I go on a very long hiatus. There are countless times when writing is all I know- The only thing I can do especially to spill out contained thoughts and emotions that I am incredibly terrible at doing verbally. Ugh. Sigh.

I love writing, I really do. It's the best way and sometimes the only way I can express myself. I haven't been writing lately and have failed to update my blog consistently not because I don't have anything to write about (Trust me, I have loads to say!) just that I've been pretty demotivated to put them all down on paper. It's like I've caught some 'aspiring writer dead-end' disease that's difficult to just shrug off. Today though, I think I'm cured from the despicable ailment and am ready to step out of hiatus! So, here I am again trying to make right of all the lost time!

I will now pick up where I left of! Let's do this!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I know, I know. I've practically failed the '30 Days Writing Challenge'- You don't have to remind me but I'm going to finish it anyway! I MUST!

The last topic I did was about my views on Mainstream Music and now I shall talk about my top 5 Pet Peeves.

Where do I start? Gosh. I guess the top on my list would be Hypocrites. Ooh, how they can get on my bad side and that is why I choose to avoid them. I don't think anyone find Hypocrites (Yes, with a capital 'H'!) to be an acceptable ally. I definitely don't but they're out there on the loose preaching what they don't practice, wearing only plastered faces. Did you know that in another term, hypocrites are also known as Plastered Saints? It's sad, lying to people like that and worse, lying to themselves. Be real!

My next pet peeve would be people with really GINOURMOUS egos. I can't. I just can't. (Yes, yes. I know you're all that. Yea, good looking. Yea.. Well, I don't really care, man. Don't have to be all up at my face about yourself, Narcissist). The thing is, everyone has an ego. Hell, I do too! Sometimes, I have to admit, I can have a big one but not to the point where I thrive by putting people down with it. I won't tell you, "Hey, I'm better than you so you shut up, alright?". That is why I often hurt egos- Not feed them. Got to break them before they turns into a ugly Mutant Vain Blobs. NONE of that. Na-uh.

Do you see guys frequently taking pictures of their biceps and six-pack and posting it on social media? And most of the time they're the same old sculpt angle and in-your-fsce poses? With the same captions and hastags? #legday #checkoutmyabs #gym whatever. And they look so good you just wanna lick them? Well, none of that for me. Fine, I get it. You go to the gym and you're fit as hell and yea, you have a body that is Godsent! Okay, okay. Well, I can't stand it that you have to flaunt it ALL the freaking time! It doesn't even have to be all the time but frequently doing it annoys me anyway. The obsession with your own body is just Ugh! (See, how annoyed I am?) #yourobsessionerksme

I cannot stand for the life of me people who do not value silence. Silence is so sacred. It's wonderful to bask in silence once in a while and to appreciate it especially during solitary moments. It's rather unfortunate that they're so many who do not even know how to be appropriately silent in places that require for them to BE SILENT. For instance, the library and the cinema. I'm usually quite tolerable but behaving like you own the freaking damn place for you to coffee-house-chat, make loud obnoxious remarks and laughing during inappropriate times and think it's okay is totally UNACCEPTABLE. It's not okay. NOT OKAY.

Finally, I find litterbugs and those who spit anywhere/everywhere *bleach* to be despicable. Yes. I absolutely cannot tolerate those who I catch littering when there's like a damn trashcan just there- Right there! It's there for you to utilize and you just leave your shit for another person to pick up after. Like, what's the deal, man? And you spit so very openly for all to see and hear! Oh my gosh! Is your saliva gland broken? Really? You need to get that checked because it's the worst reflex to have, like, "Oh, some saliva has formed in my mouth. Must get rid of it. Must SPLIT!". It's so much worse when phlegm is involved. Why? WHY?!

Sigh. I can be tolerable and I am- Most of the time but the above are things I have zero tolerance for, really. The list goes on actually but I think I'll leave that for another day.

Until then, avoid the Hypocrites, bruise the Egos, #erk, appreciate Silence and SPIT AND LITTER NOT!

Live, Love, Laugh,

Erica.

Friday, September 19, 2014

My Views On Mainstream Music

Writing challenge no. 6

I don't have anything against mainstream music. Or underground music. Or hipster music, if there is even such a thing. I appreciate all forms of music and its many genres. At the end of the day, only one thing matters to me. It's either music I find good or music I find bad and more than often if it's music I can dance to, well, now that's great music whether or not it's mainstream.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

5. Things I Want To Say To An Ex

Which one?
*Ba-dum-tshhhhh!*

I don't have any 'exs'. I don't consider the guys I only dated once or twice and the so called 'relationships' I had even legit to call these guys my exes. So, yea..

HOWEVER, it's probably best if I take this particular writing challenge as opportunity to say some things, right?

I'll try to make this a short and sweet as possible.

-----------------

First and foremost, I would like to say, to you who have hurt me, it's alright. I forgive you.

What we had is history so we might as well just leave it at that, right? I don't really know what to say actually. You want to know if you broke my heart? Don't worry, you didn't succeed in breaking it completely. Nonetheless, it did still hurt. It hurt because it mattered but it's alright.

And if makes you feel any better, the past heartaches that you put me through made me the person I am today and I'm grateful to you for that. You were a lesson learned and you actually turned me from bitter to better. Better in a sense that, I know better now and I feel better about myself despite the struggles I had to come into terms with my insecurities because of you. No worries. I hold no grudge against you for that. It's something I have let go of a long time ago. It only made me appreciate the person that I am even more. So again, thank you.

Well, with that said and done, I would like in turn to apologize to who I have hurt. You should have gotten the sincere and proper closure you deserve- Which I failed to give but then again, it's too late for that now and I'm sure you have moved on just fine. I still wish we could have set things straight in a much more better manner though. At least at the end of the day, we won't have those 'what if' scenarios playing in our heads. That's the saddest part I guess-- But life goes on.

Heartache is inevitable.

I wish you well and I wish you happiness, nonetheless.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------