Something I Feel Strongly About: Self-Love

For the longest time, I was struggling with who I am.
I had so many insecurities that made me loathe myself.
I think it's because I used to care too much of what others thought of me and the more I allowed myself to do that, the more I felt smaller in this already large crowded world. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I was out of place.
I don't know if that was just a compulsory rough phase in life but the incapability of loving myself was the worst feeling in the world. What actually caused it? I'm not sure. It could have been the traumas of  years of childhood bullying. Maybe. Or it could have been rejection and betrayal time after time? Maybe. Or maybe it was just me. I couldn't accept my flaws and always compared myself to others. Growing up with my (what I used to believe)-- Very perfect sisters made it all the worse for me. I felt pressured to be just as good or if not, better than them.  

INSECURITIES.
They eat you up whole if you let them.
I permitted it to take over me until I had the lowest of the lowest self-esteem.
I am ashamed to say, I reached a point in life where I wished it would just end.
The thought still makes me shudder. Very dumb, no doubt. I will never make myself go back there ever again.

I guess what pulled me out was the realization that even at my worst, there were actually people who loved me and accepted me despite me pushing them away.
It's something that I am so very grateful for.
Loved ones. 

And also the great realization that everyone is tainted in some way.
The most obvious of obvious cliches: NOBODY IS PERFECT.

It's not easy though- Loving yourself completely and accepting all your flaws.
It took quite a while for me to really know my self worth and to value myself.

By surrounding myself with positive people and learning to take criticism not as something that breaks me but makes me and builds me up, it's safe to say, I value myself so much now.
That's not to say I have rid myself of all my insecurities because I still am a bit insecure.
I just learned to better myself and despite having these monsters residing in me, I never allow them to bring me down so low. 

I have also learned that people are just people.
They judge.
They ridicule.
They like to assume things about you that you yourself had no idea about.
There's always going to be something that's not right about you in their eyes.
Human Nature.

BUT...

AND REMEMBER...

I used to care about what these people thought.
Until after living with myself over 20 years and finally knowing  and accepting who 'I' am, I only found amusement in what I was depicted by others to be.
Let them talk.
Screw them. Really.
If you know yourself enough and actually have no problem living the life you do, loving what you do, I don't see why you should bother. 

So, yea.
I have learned to love myself.
And it is very important that YOU love YOURSELF too.
That's what I strongly believe in.

And because of the many trials and tribulations I have faced with myself, I've made it this far to learn to love my darkness as I do my light. I don't need to be perfect for anyone or even perfect for myself. As long as I regard myself IMPORTANT enough to LIVE FREELY and not take any shit from anyone, I know I'll appreciate myself more as well as other people around me. Besides that, I shall not live a life of condemning because I believe by doing so, what makes me any different from those who I judge and scrutinize? There's a reason why people are the way they are, why they lead the lives they lead.

And because of the ability to love and respect myself, I now love people more despite their flaws.

LIVE to LOVE.