Where Do We Stand? A post-broken story.

This post has collected dust as it sat on the shelf of my draft section. I wanted to publish this since the day I poured it on the page (which was early this year) but I was a wimp to do so. Back then, it was too painful, too embarrassing and just too honest to let out. I decided it was best to just leave it be.

My friendship was put to the test and it was hanging by a thread. At one point, it was so close to the edge of a cliff that one light push will send it to its end. I'm sure this is very common stuff. Most of us go through this conflict with our loved ones and even if we make it out alive, things between us will never go back to how it was.

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We used to talk. Though it may not be every single day but we talked. We clicked. There was always something we could say to each other. Sometimes, we only need to look at each other to get the message through. Even in silence we were cozy because our minds were in total sync. 

These days, I guess it's different. We talk but it's not the same. Our talks have turned into 'small talks'. The kind of talks which sends me over the edge. I hate 'small talks'. I hate it with a burning passion. People use small talks to initiate conversations with people they're not familiar with. We used to talk from the finish of a story to the start and nothing made sense most of the time but it was okay because we understood each other. It made total sense to us! But we're having 'small talks' now.
"How was your day?"
"What you up to?"
"Hello!... Okay. Bye. See you..."
So does that make us unfamiliar with each other? Strangers?

I don't even consider it small talk sometimes. It's smaller than small. It's puny and the comfortable silence have become a terrifying thing when we're around each other because it's turn into complete lifelessness. Dead. The saddest part of all is turning to look at each other and not being able to figure out what the other is mentally saying anymore. When I think about it, even now as I'm putting it down, it makes me cry.

Ugh. This is stupid. 

Sigh.

I hate this quote which I see so much these days:

"Best friends are people you know you don’t need to talk to every single day. You don’t even need to talk to each other for weeks, but when you do, it’s like you never stopped talking."

It's a sad excuse for negligence.
I'm not pointing fingers.
It's an excuse I am guilty for as well.  

 Ah, well...

It's only when I think about it that I get so fired up and just down right sad.
Circumstances have changed and I guess we just have to deal with it.
I can adapt to it. Sooner or later.

We just need to face facts.

Reality is waiting to be realized and lived.

It's a comfort to know that in all of those times, you already had someone to take my place.

I mean, the thought of you not having anyone to turn to in times of need would break my heart.
'Cause I definitely know what it feels like especially now.

Just know that when the time comes for you to come back, to act as if nothing has happened, nothing has changed, I will be on standby. Always.

Just know that, it hurts every single time.

Know that, old wounds never really heal. They just turn into ugly scars.

Remember the time when you cried over us and I didn't?
It's not that I didn't feel the excruciating pain. It's not that I wasn't hurt. It's definitely not because I didn't care but because I cared too much.

It's just that I couldn't. As much as I wanted to just breakdown, I had to hold back the many tears. I had to be strong for both of us. I just don't know how long I can be strong anymore.

So?

Where do we stand now?

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Now, after so many months, I no longer am hurt or embarrassed about what happened in the past. What remains is that everything that I put down here is me exposed-- In all honesty, this was an event in my life that I never thought I would get over. This event was also followed by so many downs and downer. Nonetheless, I'm grateful that it did happen. It has taught me so many lessons. It taught me Strength, Faith, Love and Endurance and what it really means to be a friend. Most of all, it also taught me that Time does heal.

In life, we're always being tested. At the end of the day, even if you choose to hold on or give up, it doesn't mean that you passed or failed the test. You only fail when you refuse to learn from the mistakes made. You pass with flying colors when you accept and learn from them.

You're probably wondering what happened.
Well, all I can say is between that to this day, a lot of bullshit.
It's safe to say that towards the end though, things have never been so much better than this.
With the downs and drama, the ups came along.
When someone is very dear to me, the last thing I want to do is just walk away from them.

I am grateful.

I know where I stand but most of all, I know for sure where WE stand.

Live, Love, Laugh.