Realization

As much as I promised myself to be the patient person that I ought to be,

The accepting one,

The selfless one,

The one that is understanding and compassionate...

I become the total opposite.

And it definitely frustrates me.

Sigh. I realize that there's a limit to everything even ourselves, who we are and who we become. 

Patience can run dry if it's always being tested time and time again.

I can be patient and I think that some people claim that I am the most patient person they know but try poking a person repeatedly-- None stop.

You actually think that a normal human being would  completely ignore the annoyance of the jabs and say, "Hey, poke away, pal! Whatever makes you happy!!"?????

Well,

Patience out the window now pass me a revolver.

Yep, spotted imperfection no. 1.

I for one found out that acceptance towards what actually really annoys and angers you is absolutely impossible.

I mean, come on. There are certain things that certain people can't stand in this world and accepting that thing is just out of the question.

What do we do then?

We conceal our frustrations by ignoring it-- Completely.

We block it out.

We become blind to it.

As they say, ignorance is pure bliss.

Well, honestly... I confused my acceptance with ignorance so that's my error right there.

So, it's another very normal thing to NOT be able to accept certain things.

I'm sure everyone has at least one thing they can't tolerate and have utterly no acceptance towards.

Imperfection no. 2.

Well, I've really tried being selfless.

Really.

For certain people I have no problem.

For everyone?

 I've failed tremendously.

It's the hardest thing ever even to be selfless to your own flesh and blood sometimes so imagine trying to be selfless to every single person you know and love.

Another thing is, if people know you are selfless then every one of those people will want a piece of you.

In the end, what do I get?

Taken for granted (but that's besides the point).

It's not easy pleasing everybody but it's in my nature to do it anyway.

When I fail to do so, I get angry at myself and then at other people.

I only have one of me and like everybody else-- Just 24 hours in a day.

So, narrowing it down to priorities...

I become a selfish person and that's imperfection no. 3.

Understanding?

Compassionate?

I think I'm too exhausted to go on.

Well, just know that I can be understanding but I'm not God.

There are things I can't and won't be able to understand (or just don't want to).

And... Compassion has led me to become the monster I promised myself never to be.

I guess I care too much and caring too much is dangerous.

I should stop here.

Ah, well.

Nobody's perfect.

Still, we strive to be perfect every chance we can.

The person we promise we will eventually become.

(Well, for me at least)

I DON'T KNOW WHERE ALL THAT GIBBERISH CAME FROM SO IM SORRY YOU WASTED YOUR TIME WITH THIS POST. I MUST BE HIGH ON OXYGEN.

Just saying.